A glimpse of motherhood

I wanna buy the blue butterfly duck scarf but it costs $100+. The nude butterfly bag looks awesome too.

Haizz! Financial struggles of a student.

I FINALLY SAW FALLING SNOW! I was so excited. I almost screamed looking at those beautiful white flakes.

Itulah jakun nampak snow.

I kinda regret not taking many pictures though.

Ok, I have sidetracked. What I will be mentioning now will be related to the title of this post.

“Havana oh na-na

Half of my heart is in havana oh na-na

He took me back to East Atlanta na-na-na

All of my heart is in Havana….”

I switched off the alarm.


I took a bath and hurriedly packed my stuff into the luggage. As I was throwing all my notes, textbooks and files into the luggage, I muttered to myself,

“OMG I have only three hours left. Itulah suka buat things last minute.”

Called the cab and the next thing I knew I was having a small talk with the taxi driver. Annoying! I hate small talks. Like it is a waste of my breath. Reached the airport fifteen minutes later and found myself standing at the back of queue snaking around the corners of the airport. After what seemed like an eternity, I walked towards the counter and gave my passport. AND GUESS WHAT?


Those words on the counter desk were staring right at me. I could not believe it at first. I read it again.

“Eh boleh upgradelah!

Should I ask or not?

Mintaklah. sekali complimentary upgrade

Aniya kalau kena bayar, macam mana? I am running low in cash now.

They accept debit card or not?

Aniya kalau upgrade malu sey. Mesti jakun duduk kat business class

Alah tanyajelah

Eh tapi if i anyhow press button kat business class seat abih entah apa nanti keluar. Malulah.”

(I was talking to myself by the way.)

“Here are your tickets. Thank you.”

I took the tickets and wore a fake smile.

I swear it was one of the most regrettable episodes in my entire life.

I trudged towards Marks and Spencer with my heavy carry on bag while muttering to myself how stupid I was. What a good way to start off the day. As I was on my way to have a depressing breakfast, I saw two women in their thirties or early forties looking at me. One of them was carrying a baby while clutching a boy’s hand. I supposed they were her children. They approached me.

“Are you taking ABC airlines?” she asked.

I nodded. (Of course, there is no such thing as ABC airlines… I think? I don’t want to reveal which airline I’m taking just because.)

“3 o’clock?”

I nodded.

“Can she (pointing to the woman with kids) follow you? She cannot speak English. She also 1 o’clock.”


She repeated the exact same thing.

The woman with kids did not give off the demeanour of an evil person. Besides, it will only take a while.

“Uhm okay.”

I think she said thanks. I can’t remember. Anyway, I wanted to eat at M n S but there were not enough seats for the four of us so I decided to take my breakfast at a cafe nearby. I took a seat. They sat with me. As I was about to stand up and tell the woman that I wanted to buy food, she said to me with sign language that she was going to buy food and asked me to look after the baby. I was like ok but

“I haven’t taken my breakfast and it is almost 2 in the afternoon.


(Again, I was talking to myself.)

The baby girl sitting next to me was staring at me. I smiled hoping that she knew I wasn’t a bad person. I fear that she would cry so I touched her small hands and said

“Promise me you dont cry?”

She looked at me.

Silence means consent.

I took out my phone and whatsapped my parents telling them that I have checked in and….

“Waahhhhh waaahhhhh waaahhh” Sorry but I guess that is how you spell a baby crying. No?

I was like NO. Freaking NO.

I put away my phone and tried to calm her down.

Didn’t work.

I carried her in my arms but realised that I had no clue how to carry babies so I just made her stand on the seat.

“Waaahhhhh waaahhh!!!” she cried while looking at a a certain direction. I turned and saw a group of boys teasing her. I was like you freaking guys have nothing better to do is it?

She wailed again. At this moment, everyone in the cafe looked at me.

“She is not mine!” I wished I have shouted that.

I tried to pat her back.

Not working.

“Okay dont cry lets zikir together okay. La ilaha illallah. La ilaha illallah. La ilaha illallah.”

She looked at me and stopped wailing.

I heaved a sigh of immense relief.

I did it.

“I can be a mother now.”

I smiled to myself. I was so proud of myself until she started crying a few seconds later.


I called my mum and explained the situation that I was stuck in and she went like

“Why did you say yes? Are you a fool? What if they are involved in a child prostitution syndicate? Or child kidnapping? Leave them now!”

That was so unexpected.

“No, they look like good people.”

“You’re making me mad now. I told you to be cautious in the airport. I told you if anyone wants to put their things in your bag because their luggage already exceed the weight, YOU SAY NO!

“Yeah, but you didnt say anything about babies.”

My father joined in.


“Relax. I am sure it is nothing. How can I leave the baby here alone?”

“Wait, so you are alone with the baby? Where is the mother?”

“She said she wanted to buy food but she is taking too long.”

“See I told you confirm they are in a syndicate! Just go to the departure hall now.”

“But I..”


“Ok, I will call you back later.”

“No don’t put down the phone.”

I looked for the mother and I could hear my mum praying that I would be safe on the other line.

I was frantically searching for the mother and the other woman. Both were nowhere to be seen. The woman who could converse in English told me that she would be right back but

“Where is she?

Wait, did she tell me that she is coming back?

Duh! She said she needs to use the washroom.

Or did she?


I cant recall.

Maybe it was my imagination.


To be continued…



Living in denial

Guys, my winter clothes don’t fit me at all. And I am still in denial. Can you imagine winter clothes? What more the normal clothes? I cant zip my jeans that I just bought from sg about a month ago. Whats wrong with you annoying body?!!

“Do your job well, metabolism! You ain’t working hard enough man!!”

I don’t want to buy new clothes especially winter clothes. They are too costly.

Anyway, I have just finished watching girlfriend aku dari neraka.


Kelakar Giler!

Seriously you guys should watch the series and the cerekarama when you are feeling down. Definitely brings back your lost soul. But don’t watch it at night. You will get too excited and cant sleep. And turn the volume down. Your eardrums may get hurt hearing Lydia scream. And Nelly, OMG! She is freaking annoying with her high-pitched voice and her fairytale land.



dUCk vs Naelofar

So I was scrolling on my insta feed and something caught my eyes yang tak berapa function sangat. It is 1000 degrees. Yeah, you have read it right. 1000 man. I have no idea what I did to get that kind of eyesight. So I am really dependent on my spectacles. My lifesaver. Those artificial eyes have been with me almost my entire being living on this earth. So warning to you guys out there. Don’t play with my specs. I hate it when people hide my specs like hello you think funny is it?

Anyway, I have digressed. As I was saying, I saw a post on insta. It was the duckscarves. OMG those duckscarves look so sophisticated, elegant and whatnot. Many of those who I follow on insta wear duck. So I really want to own one. So I was going through the price. I was aware that many said it is a little expensive so I had prepared myself for the worst scenario.

Take a deep breath and click duckscarves to find out how much they cost.



I could buy so many tudungs with only 1 duckscarf. I think that’s why I always just stick with naelofarhijab. I have been wearing naelofar hijab since I started to cover up. Yeah, it is also a little bit expensive as compared to many other tudungs in the market except for duck (obviously). But I think it is really good value for money. I love the design and that most of them are instant so it saves a lot of time (but it really tests my patience to iron them). And there are Swarovski crystals on the tudung. and you know what, I don’t have to handwash them. I have been chunking all my naelofar hijabs in the washing machine and dryer and when it came out, everything is still intact together. Even those crystals. But since it is a little bit pricey, I will only buy those designs that I love. I do not have all the collections since naelofar hijab started. Habis duit kalau macam gitu. Anyway, I am still deliberating whether to purchase the Singapore duck. Gonna wear it during Singapore’s National Day. I am so patriotic. But I cannot find any other occasions to wear it. In all likelihood, I am not going to buy that.

Anyway, last week I was climbing up the stairs to my class (it has been weeks since the lift is out of order pfft) and only then I realised how much of a dwarf I am. I was on the second level going to the third. A guy and a girl were talking and BOOM! Something hit hard on my head. The girl elbowed me in my head. I thought I was in WWE. I was upset but I just laughed it off. Did not want to make a big deal out of it but it was so obvious I was there. How could you not see me? Pfft, I am indeed a dwarf!

Mummy and Excuses

There are so many compelling reasons (excuses actually) why my mum should visit me here. I would say

“I miss your cooking.”

“I need you to help me colour coordinate my outfits.” (this is real!)

“I miss hugging you.”

“I wanna touch and kiss you, mummy.”

“I want to watch Korean and Malay shows with you like how we used to do before.”

“What makes you think I am studying and not having a blast in pubs? You know that Newcastle is prominent for its nightlife right? That is another reason why I wanna come here.”

and the most recent one

“You know Nabi s.a.w. said that is good to menziarah orang yang sakit?”

“Yes, correct. dapat pahala,” answered my mum.


“I am now sick too,” I added.

“La ilaha illallah. It is really far and expensive. You think Newcastle and Singapore macam Malaysia and Singapore is it?”

So there goes my dream of being with my mum. I have to think of a better excuse next time. I was really sick at that time. I was having flu and my body itched like a lot. Since my mum is not thinking of coming, I can only resort to reinforce myself with this coping statement.

“Don’t scratch. Later if have scars, no one wants to marry you.”

When I don’t have enough tenacity to withstand the itch, I would just say,

“A man who loves you loves all your flaws too.”

Still haven’t found that man yet. I wonder if I have ever crossed paths with him. Or 11 is it you?

Dwarf N 11

You need to climb everywhere in Newcastle. There are so many slopes like FREAKING a lot. The journey to the library OMG is so long (doesnt help the fact that there is a steep slope). There is even one in the shopping mall. I am not kidding you. I think I could lose all the weight from eating ice cream and donuts just by going out of my room. But that is great anyway. I dont have to sweat myself in the gym.  Well, every cloud has a silver lining. Oh yeah by the way why are the people in Newcastle so vertically superior? I feel like I am a dwarf around them. They also love to wear dark coloured clothes. Well guess I can shine then. I love to wear bright colours. It just lifts my spirits up to a whole new level especially during those days with long never ending lectures. Lectures have started and now I cant help but have qualms about whether I had made the right decision of doing this field of study. Many students here are way way better than me. I guess I just have to work harder. Oh wait, it has been a long time since I have talked about 11. Still remember? The one yang tak gentleman langsung? The one who tak puasa…..OMG I dont think I can ever forget about that one. Anyway, I saw him in campus. YUP! He is studying in Newcastle. Hooray! At least there is something nice to look at in Newcastle other than the horrendous litter on the road. Its getting windy here. Like when I say windy, its REALLY REALLY WINDY to the extent it can sweep off all the litter to more than two metres high. My face got hit by a leaf twice and the next day, red spots appeared. Fed up. That leaf is a fly in the ointment man! Those giants here are really lucky.


I went to collect the wristband on Saturday and starting to regret it. Flashback to a month ago.

“OMG. I REALLY NEED this wristband. I have to go for the freshers week. I am going to participate as much activities as I can to make the £69 wristband worth the money.”

But would I really sign up for most of the activities? I know myself well.

“I have low stamina. I could only probably do two activities. Not worth the money. I am so not going to buy it.”

The next day…

“Maybe I could try to exercise more. I’m sure. I am definitely sure!”

An hour later…

“Are you serious? Me? Exercising? Wait long long. I am not going to buy it.”

Five minutes later…

“But what if I have a sudden gush of excitement and energy during the freshers week? Whatever! I am just going to buy it.”

Clicked on the pay button.

Feelings of immense regret began to bury deep in my heart.

“Why did I click that button? Ugh there goes my £69. BOO HOO!”

Hero Seorang Cinderella

I am currently watching Hero Seorang Cinderella after much procrastination. I really like Fazura. She is freaking gorgeous. I love the HSC casts especially Cik Mawar and Puteri. The scene where both of them cannot enter their car in the carpark. LOL!


Puteri: Mama hello kat siapa tu?

Zuyyin and Luq really look good with each other. I don’t really like when Tengku Ian’s dad and Medina’s dad keep on talking in English. Their English is good. It is just that it is a little bit too much. Like hello, this is a Malay drama.

And I feel like chopping off Darius’ hair. Really annoying!

I cannot choose between Fattzura and Lofattah. Both of their chemistry are really good. Oh yes have you guys seen the video fattah amin and janna nick supposedly kissing? Oh my god! It looked real to me. Great camera tricks.

Suppressed Feelings

I reckon that there is something wrong with me. I am still suffering from sleepless nights. It is really infuriating when you want to sleep but your brain refuses to cooperate. I keep on waking up in the afternoon and continue to sleep after breakfast at 2pm. I seem not to be able to differentiate between day and night. It could not be the jetlag. It has been weeks since I have arrived. Lazy? Maybe. Or am I suffering from a disease? No! No! I am just lazy, plain LAZY. I have to accept this undeniable fact.

I feel really choked up inside. I did not even realise that I was bottling up all the feelings and emotions inside a 1.7 m tall body. ( I choose to believe that I am standing at 1.7 m height. HAHA!) I feel suffocated but there is no avenue for me to let it out. I thought yelling at the beach would do the trick. I changed my mind after coming across photos of crocodiles spotted in Singapore beaches on the internet. I then thought of venting out all my negative emotions in the theme park. Universal Studios is too expensive. I had always thought I was emotionally strong until today. I don’t think I can suppress my feelings any longer. I will find a way somehow.

I did not want to end this post on a sad note. So let me tell you guys something. I have finally tried the Nasi Lemak Burger and it was AMAZING! It really tasted like nasi lemak. There is also sambal, cucumber and the chicken they serve is freaking big. I am gonna buy it later.




Sorry teacher

It is one thing if your parents expect good academic results from you. It is another thing if your teachers expect you to do so. “I expect the both of you to get full marks for the exam. I will be disappointed if you get a 99.” Those words are still ringing in my ears now. The pressure was so great that it began to engulf me. Talk about the so called less stressful education in UK. “WHAT 100?! Even my parents dont expect that from me!”

I remembered during class, my friend and I rarely concentrate in class as it was easy for us. My friend used to text to her boyfriend in class. I think LDR is not really tough these days especially when you are like my friend; she is a genius so she has plenty of time to text her boyfriend. She is always on her phone yet when the results came out, she always topped the class. How I wish I could exchange my brain with hers. I mean I am sure she is bored of getting first in class. I am certain she wants to know how it feels like to get a second or third position. Who am I kidding? Unlike her, I feel bad for the tutor teaching while I am on my phone so I just do the practice questions. And later when everyone is about to start to do the questions, I will usually be finished by then and will gossip with my friend. But seriously getting full marks for a paper is difficult. Even though you may find the topics easy and have practised using all the resources that you have, you cannot guarantee to have that big fat 100%. You may commit some careless mistakes. Besides, we are only humans with flaws. Sorry teacher.


I am now typing out this in my room. Like freaking MY ROOM IN SG!!! Finally like FINALLY, I am here sitting on my comfy bed with the air con blasting at 16 degrees and of course with the fan on. Have I ever told you that the only time you feel cold in Newcastle is when you are outside walking along the streets? AHA! You guys learn something new today. Other than that, be it in your room or class or EVEN shopping centres, you can find yourself sweating. There is hardly any air cons in Newcastle. They only have the big H. HEATERS! Like seriously, it is not what I had imagined 9 months ago. Despite the sweltering hot and humid weather in Singapore, there are air cons everywhere. OMG! I had promised myself not to complain but look at what I just did. Anyway, it has been more than a week since I smelt the fresh Singapore air and I am still suffering from jet lag. No jokes man. I am still wide awake after 12 am and will only go to sleep after 8 am only to find myself wake up at 2 pm. And later take a so called nap until 7 pm. By the way I think I have said before that I can’t wait to be back in SG but guess what on the second day since I landed,.. Let me repeat that. On the SECOND DAY since I landed, I miss Newcastle so bad that I wanted to fly back. I thought there was something wrong with me. “How could you already miss Newcastle? It must be the jet lag.” I tried to calm myself down. To my horror or (excitement I don’t know man what is the right feeling that I should have someone help me please), I still want to go back to Newcastle after staying in SG for a few days. I even thought of not coming back to SG until I finished uni. Where did the patriotic me go? Help!! Oh yeah McD has stopped selling the nasi lemak burger. If I still cant get my nasi lemak burger during my short stay in SG, I think I will make my own nasi lemak burger in Newcastle. No. Maybe not burger. I dont really like burgers. Hmm.. How about waffles? Yes! That will be great! Nasi lemak waffles!